I wrote in my last post about the grief that comes from singleness, but just because singleness is a loss that can hurt acutely at times does not mean that our lives should be dull and dreary and hopeless. We are told in Philippians to “rejoice in the Lord always,” (Phil. 4:4), and it is possible to lead a rich, joyful life as a single woman. Over the next few posts, I will share a few of the strategies that God has given me to cultivate joy in my life.
Get to Know God
Something the Lord has often reminded me of is that any difficulty or loss in life serves as an opportunity to highlight a particular aspect of God’s character. When we are suffering, we have a choice: we can either wallow in our misery or we can look up from our circumstances to God. In every kind of trial, some portion of His character will be exactly what we need to soothe our hearts and satisfy our souls.
Read the Bible.
It’s like I always tell my students–we can’t see God with our eyes right now; we can’t hear him with our ears; we can’t touch him with our fingers. But we can know Him because He has given us the Bible to tell us who He is.
It is so important to read/study the Bible regularly. Even when we are feeling good about our lives, we still desperately need communion with God (even–or especially rather–when we don’t feel like we do), and reading regularly builds a familiarity with God’s Word that will help us know where to go in Scripture when we are having a hard time.
Reading the Bible to know God has given me more joy than any other thing I have done because I find in Him a beauty beyond anything I ever dreamed of. And no matter what I lack, He is able to satisfy my soul.
If you are looking for deep, healing joy in singleness, you will not find it without reading God’s Word to search out the beauty of His character.
Practical idea: When you go to read, consider using a journal or notebook and write down anything you discover about God. Doing this really helped me make my Bible reading less of a task to check off a list and more the cultivation of a relationship (which is what God actually wants).
After reading and noting God’s character qualities, respond. Thank God and talk about how much different aspects of His character mean to you. If there are things about Him that are hard to understand, then ask Him about them. He wants us to know Him!
Pray.
As believers in Jesus Christ, we are blessed with the opportunity to talk to God. We are no longer separated from Him by our sins; the righteousness of Christ has been put on our account, and we are now children of God. We might be single, but we are never alone. God is our Companion whom we can talk to about everything:
Our worries: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let our requests be made known to God,” (Phil. 4:6).
Our sins: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness,” (I John 1:9).
Our needs: “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need,” (Heb. 4:16).
Our joys: “Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to Him, and bless His name!” (Ps. 100:4).
Our inability to know what to say: “Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words,” (Romans 8:26-7).
When we go to God with whatever is on our hearts, we come near to the One who created us and who loves us far better than anyone else ever could. He is the Author of joy, and being near to Him brings the greatest pleasure of all.
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore,” (Ps. 16:11).
Father, how very kind and good You are! Thank You for giving us Your Word so that we may look in and gaze on your beauty. Thank You for inviting us to come to You in everything and with everything. You are a true and good Friend. You desire to give us the deep, eternal joy that only comes of knowing You. Please teach us to desire You, our one great Joy, above all other joys. May we seek You always, reaching up from whatever feelings plague us and holding on to everything You are. You are our help and our refuge every day. Amen.
Gratefully His 