Sometimes when we’ve been single for a long time, we can get to this place where we’re just kind of numb. For as long as we can remember we’ve had a desire to be special to someone, to belong to someone, to be chosen by someone. There is, of course, familial love and friendship, but those types of love–while powerful–only go so far. We long for something deeper, more personal, more enduring. But it hasn’t come–or worse– it did come, and then it left, revealing the brokenness of love in a fallen world.
It is easy to become disillusioned–to look around at all the happy couples with a vague recognition of the value of love, the rightness of marriage as God intended it, and yet be completely baffled. We feel like foreigners who don’t speak the language or even comprehend it. The fact that any man and woman should like each other enough to give the rest of their lives to each other seems like an unsolved mystery (that, in my opinion, can only be explained by an act of God’s grace on the behalf of people–it seems that impossible).
Unfortunately, the feelings that come with being single sometimes bleed over into our perception of God. I don’t know why this is the case except that the human tendency is to live by what we see rather than by faith, and when we see that there is no one (or no one that we feel we could love) that would want to marry us, we can feel like we are ugly and undesirable to everyone, including God.
Recently, I unintentionally drifted into this kind of state. There I was, trying to love the people God has given me to love for His sake, persevering through trials by His grace, thinking I loved Him. And I do think I was loving Him on some level. But a very important element was missing: belief in His love for me.
Then I met this new couple at my church, and almost every time I interacted with them, they would leave me with these parting words: “Remember, Jesus loves you!”
I genuinely appreciated the fact that they said that, but I walked away feeling strangely unaffected. The words were true, I knew, but why did they feel so trite and hollow?
A little reflection revealed that I had no ability to imagine that God could love me, and that, I realized, was a ridiculous situation. There I was, daily choosing to love people in God’s strength, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to believe that He loved me. Did I honestly think that I could love others, but God could not love me? Did I think I was better than God?
I knew I was wrong, and I asked God to forgive me, but God’s love still felt impossible to imagine.
It is at times like these that I most want Jesus here. I want to be able to see the kindness in His eyes. I want to be able to hear the warmth in His voice. I want a hug from a tangible Person.
But it is not time for Jesus to be physically present, and He Himself said to His disciples before He went to the cross, “It is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you,” (John 16:7b). Each believer in Christ is blessed with His presence through the Holy Spirit’s indwelling us. He is the Gift who turned thousands of people into “little Christs” in the early Church, and He is enough for us until Jesus comes or we go home to Him.
And we have the Word, which tells us more intimately of the Lord’s heart than we could ever gather from His face. And if we do not have the strength to believe, we need only go to it and look in–for “faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ,” (Romans 10:17).
I was reading the other night in Psalms, and I came across this verse: “Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge . . .,” (Psalm 144:1-2a).
I love that it says of God, “He is my steadfast love.” In our loneliness and feelings of being unloved, we have the opportunity to find the greatest, most enduring love there ever was or ever will be. We have a God who is love–not just on a whim, for a little while. His love is forever; it is deep and unending; it is unwavering toward us.
Our enemy would love for us to believe that God cannot love us, that we are too infinitely unlikeable. But it is not true. The Bible as a whole testifies of God’s love to us, and Romans 8 tells us plainly:
“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died–more than that, who was raised–who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord,” (Romans 8:31b-39).
We must not let the lie that God might not love us prevail. We have to speak the truth in our hearts not only for our own happiness, but also for God’s.
Can you imagine loving someone so deeply that you would give up everything–your own life even–for the good of another person, only to be met with a cold “I just can’t believe that you love me?” What could be more insulting?
God has proven His love for us in so many ways–the beauty all around us, provisions of food and water and clothing, friendships, family, and, more significantly, Himself. Will we question His love as if our feelings were a better judge of His heart than He is?
The love that we have always longed for is there, ready to be enjoyed. No one can love us more deeply, more intimately, or more enduringly than God Himself, and, by some great mystery, our love for Him–meager as it is–brings Him joy. And He has sought it throughout human history. May we not dishonor Him with our unbelief any more!
***
Father,
You know that we are human and prone to hurt You, the One who has been kinder than any other. You know the deceitful nature of our hearts and the enemy who is bent on our destruction. It was in that knowledge that You chose to make the necessary sacrifice that we might be Yours forever. Your mercy and kindness are higher than the heavens.
In that mercy, oh Lord, forgive us. Deliver us from the evil of unbelief. Teach our hearts to savor Your love and find joy and contentment in knowing You. Keep us from insulting You in any way. We want to love You as You deserve.
Amen.
***
Songs to sing:
- And Can it Be
- How Deep the Father’s Love for Us
- Jesus, I am Resting, Resting
- Jesus, Lover of My Soul
- Before the Throne of God Above
Gratefully His 