One of the challenges of singleness is dealing with our natural longing for marriage. This longing is something built into us by our Creator, and it is a good desire–although it may feel anything but good when we are caught in the tension between God’s good design and His sovereign plan for our individual lives. Temptation abounds when there are deep sorrows and questions left unanswered. We may be tempted to feel sorry for ourselves, to envy others, to be angry and frustrated with how God is working (or seemingly not working). We may feel that God does not love us because He has denied a very basic human need–indeed, a need that He Himself created. In the darkest of moments, we may be tempted to believe that He is cruel.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
Much of the book of Deuteronomy is Moses’ address to the children of Israel before they crossed the Jordan River, finally about to inherit the land promised hundreds of years before to their ancestor, Abraham. In Chapter 8, Moses delivers an enlightening assessment of their 40 years of wandering:
“All the commandments that I am commanding you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD swore [to give] to your forefathers. You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth in valleys and hills; a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; a land where you will eat food without scarcity, in which you will not lack anything; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you. Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today; otherwise, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived [in them,] and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God who brought you out from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. He led you through the great and terrible wilderness, [with its] fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water; He brought water for you out of the rock of flint. In the wilderness He fed you manna which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end. Otherwise, you may say in your heart, ‘My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.’ But you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who is giving you power to make wealth, that He may confirm His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as [it is] this day. It shall come about if you ever forget the LORD your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I testify against you today that you will surely perish. Like the nations that the LORD makes to perish before you, so you shall perish; because you would not listen to the voice of the LORD your God,” (Deuterononmy 8).
Forty years is a long time to wander around in the desert, homeless. But what we learn from this passage is that the process of getting to the Promised land (that appears woefully ineffecient to man) was a strategic move on God’s part. He had a greater goal He was working toward than mere material blessing for His people. He was working something excellent through the deprivation they experienced all those years.
Goal #1: Humility
When God chose to deprive Israel, when He withheld the variety of foods they were used to in Egypt, when He chose to lead them where there was no water and let them feel the awful ache of thirst, it was not an act of cruelty. He did so with the specific aim of exposing a deeper need that lay beneath their physical needs. It was to peel back the layers of self-deception that thrive in the human heart and cultivate hearts that accept reality as it truly is: we as humans are helpless on our own.
Goal #2: Testing the Heart
God’s second aim in depriving Israel was to discern their true hearts. He gave them hardship–circumstances that seemed impossible to them–to see if they were true to Him or not. It wasn’t that God did not already know their hearts. God knows everything about people (see Psalm 139), and yet being a relational God, He chooses to interact with people relationally. Like a good Teacher, He doesn’t just tell people the facts of what is in their hearts; He goes right along with us through a process that reveals our hearts.
Goal #3: Giving Understanding of True Reality
The third aim God had in depriving Israel for a time was to teach them a vital lesson. He wanted them to know the true nature of reality: humankind does not live merely by the objects that meet our physical needs (like bread and water), but by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. By holding back for a time on the physical things that Israel needed, God was able to show Israel that their greatest need was not for the fleeting, depletable resources to quench their hunger or thirst, but for the God who was able to provide for every need by His own decree.
God’s Heart
It is tempting at times when God withholds things from us to think that God is stingy or only cares about how the situation affects His glory, but this passage shows that God is not so shallow as we imagine. His heart is for His people. He provided for them in strange ways so that He could humble and test them for the specific purpose of doing good to them in the end. He knew there were things that they needed to understand before they could enjoy the promised land appropriately. And He loved them enough to put them through hardship to teach them.
When God withholds Marriage
This passage is not about being single. But the glimpse that we get of God’s heart here is instructive for us (and anyone going through a difficult time with no end in sight). The dry, barren wasteland that singleness often feels like is not pointless. Our sovereign Lord has placed us where He has for a purpose, and He means to do us good through our present circumstances. Some of that good could well be humbling us, testing our hearts, and teaching us that mere physical provision is not enough; we need the LORD Himself. Then whether we marry or remain single, we may rejoice in the goodness of our God and the wisdom that far exceeds our own.
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Oh LORD, how beautiful You are! What a good Father! To know what we need and to give it to us, to take us through long, wandering years to teach us what is real! We are nothing without You, and Your words are our life. Give us the grace to bow in Your presence, humbly taking whatever You give, leaning on You to supply all needs, praising You for Your faithfulness in uncomfortable places. You are able. Amen.
Gratefully His 